Category Archives: to do

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I’m having a bit of a rebellious morning.

I have time; I could start looking at the first set of lit analyses. Here’s the problem with the rebellion–I should be prepping for the brief thing that I need to do in a colleague friend’s class today. However, I left my book on campus. I could have started reading for next week’s classes, but I left my books on campus. Since I’ve been reading on Saturday mornings and getting my prep work done, I’ve been leaving my books in my office so I don’t have to schlep them back and forth. This has been a great idea all week except this morning. So I guess I read some poems while C-F’s stus are watching the video I’m showing for the first 43 minutes of class.

Here’s the other problem. I got up early to work out because i thought we might have plans this afternoon, but I don’t think we do, so I’m up but postponing the work out because I don’t want to, and I’m tired because I took yesterday off and we ate poorly because I was exhausted from it only being a week of classes and I’ve already taken up freshman drafts, and I’m trying to set a good place for the class, and their final drafts are due next Friday and I did NOT want to get up early to grade this morning so I worked furiously yesterday to finish commenting on the drafts after I had only picked them up on Wednesday. It’s the first draft of the first essay which is the most exhausting because they need help. That was a horrific sentence. I took a nap and felt like I had run six miles after I woke up. So I put on my pj.s and commented on drafts. Because we ate like crap last night (which we try to limit to once a week although last week and spring break were anomalies in that new pattern), I slept for shit. Well, not really. The sleep was fairly restful; it just wasn’t very long.

So honestly, I’m just being kind of whiny. That’s what happens when I don’t get the endorphin rush of my workouts. I guess it’s better than meds which I am off again, I just realized that. I had started taking them again over Christmas because I was stressed and not handling our financial situation well which was really making a mess of things. LIke it had gotten to the point that if I didn’t take the meds, I’d have a panic attack about my ability to cope with the day. And then in February I started doing this,(a very scaled down version and on top of the other things I was doing already) and I just unconsciously stopped taking them. Like it really wasn’t a conscious decision at all. So much so that I didn’t even realize that I hadn’t taken them in six weeks until just this very moment.

I have a long two days ahead of me. After class this afternoon I have my workout. Then while dinner cooks, I need to deflate the air mattress in the guest room and clear a space so that I can finish going through my clothes tonight and tomorrow. I need to clear the pile of clothes out of the bedroom and put them in the laundry room so that they can be washed — they just haven’t made it from the laundry pile to the laundry. Argh. And I need to put away the clean laundry. Tomorrow I’ve not only got to read for next week’s stuff but I’ve got to get a week ahead because next Saturday I have to proctor some sort of exam for some high school students. I don’t know. So that Saturday morning will be gone. Work out. Then finish the cleaning. Tomorrow will be a spring cleaning day that will start tonight. I’ve got so much stuff I need to get rid of. I think a trip to Goodwill tomorrow afternoon is in order, too. And this has to be done by tomorrow because Sunday we’ll be at the g’parents’ and then it’s the season finale of The Walking Dead for which there is a party. It’s going to be intense. And I have to make some foods for it. Whew. I’m tired just thinking about it. But it’s cool. It’ll get done and I’ll sleep very well because of it.

 

Happy Friday all!

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I know the light is at the end of the tunnel; I just can’t see it.

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On Monday I felt like the week was impossibly long.

On Tuesday I thought, “woo hoo! It’s Thursday, thank god!” Oops.

Today I woke up feeling like it was Friday and smiled briefly until I realized that it was still only Wednesday which means that I have to teach students stuff today and tomorrow and I have a whole large stack of research essays (some of which were just started on yesterday! the horror awaits!) to come in tomorrow and another stack of essays on Friday. Now I want to just cry.

I should be doing everything but blogging right now, but my brain is not functioning yet. Last week was a great and productive week! This week, sigh, not so much. I’m utterly exhausted. I would say it’s from the miles I’ve been logging for my runs, but it’s not a physical exhaustion that I feel.That I can deal with. I could take a nap, go to bed early, wrap up in my snuggie on the couch and read until I pass out fall asleep. No. This is full on mental exhaustion. Naps don’t help. I have gotten two nights this week of solid 8 hour uninterrupted sleep, good restorative sleep, but I wake up feeling beat down and exhausted. Yesterday I was barely functioning. I haven’t read anything for this article due in two weeks since Monday, and that is really really slow going. I really don’t know why I thought I could do this in six weeks. I’ll be happy that I did when I finish it, but damn, no, right now I am not happy in the least that I agreed to such a short deadline, but want to redeem myself for missing the last one. (same journal, and as a result, there were no feature articles so because of myself and another person, there were no features and the journal was delayed–it’s a small small venue, but an important one). So yeah.

My brain feels like oatmeal. I think if I didn’t have this deadline looming, I’d feel better. I could function enough to give the quarter a strong finish, but it’s not happening. And the next couple of weeks will be one long family visit. Although it’s nice to have people coming to see me rather than the other way around. I’ll say that much.

I will say this though about this place–even though I’m exhausted and my brain feels like mush and I don’t really want to have to interact with anybody anymore and I just want to stay in my house alone for a week uninterrupted and read and run–while I feel this way, the one thing I don’t feel is demoralized and beat down. I just feel tired. WHile I could totally use a five week Christmas break and will miss that about my old job, I don’t feel like I *need* it just to keep from killing myself after the semester ends. I don’t think 13 days is really going to be enough time for me to get everything done that I need to before the start of the winter quarter; however I do think it will be adequate time to recharge my batteries so to speak. And I don’t feel like I need five weeks to hide and get the fuck out of dodge. So that’s something, right?

So, on that note, I’m going to give today’s reading a quick skim just in case they want to discuss it (it’s short–like 4 pages, if that long), because I’m going to give them the option of working on their essays due Friday or discussing the text that way I can answer questions about the papers and won’t have to meet with them outside of my office hours. And it will give me a bit more time to grade and not teach.I am lazy and tired.

Also, the J has been out of town for a week. It is actually a significant help to have him around to deal with the dogs in the morning. I mean, it really does give me like an extra 30 minutes. I’m able to eat breakfast when he’s around to help. This last week during the week? Not so much. That’s probably part of the problem. But he’s supposed to be home tomorrow night, for good for real this time. And seriously, that day can’t come soon enough.

A bunch of stuff with a bonus To Do

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So the plan was to grade a bit before working out; however, the system is being slow, so I can’t get to my class, or it’s moving slow, and it’s a pain in the arse needless to say, so I may just have not to grade one or two papers before my workout. I do really need to get into the habit of working out first thing, but I think I need to work up to that. If I get up early enough, I have time to have a cup of coffee, to sit and wake up, work some of the kinks out, etc. But that’s been part of the problem with getting the workouts in on TRs. I just don’t have time to laze about like that before the workout. And I need that, at least in these early stages, to wake up. I need to be able to collect my thoughts.

I only got through 13 essays yesterday. I have six left to finish today. This puts me really behind schedule actually. Fortunately yesterday I did get my lunch and stuff made for the week (I made chicken salad–not bad for my first time out. I will need to tinker). We have leftovers ready for Tuesday, because I figured the thing that will work best is to save Sundays leftovers until Tuesday (since that’s the long day), cook Mondays. Cook enough on Wednesdays to have leftovers on Thursday (the other long day), Fridays are pizza or eating out day, and Saturday is clean out the fridge day. We’ll see.

Anyway, I’m kind of bummed that I didn’t get the grading finished yesterday and that I read nothing for class this week, and have made no headway on that article. I guess I need to sit down and  look at my week and figure out a week long to do list and figure out what needs to get done for when. This will mean spending a large part of Friday afternoon working. And I think it’s going to have to be like that for the rest of the quarter because shit, we have four weeks left, and that means five weeks for the article. Why did I agree to write an article in five weeks? Oh, wait, I *have* to have scholarship here for tenure. From what I hear, the guy that the other new person replaced was probably one of the best professors, as far as teaching goes, that the department had ever seen, but he had one article, so they booted him. So even if I were stellar in every other aspect, it means nothing without the scholarship. So I guess that’s why I agreed to do an article in five weeks.

And seriously, what does that *really* mean for my life? That I can’t drink every night with dinner because it’ll make me sleepy like an old lady and unproductive. It means I’ve got to work during most of the weekends, especially Friday afternoons. It means I don’t get to party like a fool. And all of these things (except spending most of the weekend working) are good things anyway because of the marathon training, too. The only thing this article is going to affect is my social life and my desire to sit around and drink and be lazy, so why am I really complaining? Because I want to be lazy. Sheesh.

But, this *is* the field that I really want to establish myself in. A), it’s where all the cool kids hang out, and I don’t want to be left out of the gang; B) it’s probably one of the new growing areas in my field/periphery of study/interest; C) I’m in it at the right time with the right people who could really help me make my mark, so again, really, why the fuck am I complaining.

The next four weeks will be interesting to say the least, perhaps most of all in terms of monitoring my sanity and productivity. I’ve got to try to remain somewhat balanced though because I don’t want to crash over the Thanksgiving break and end up sick for 10 days and have to basically start all over in December.

So, the break down for the next month–last month of the quarter. Yay. But grading galore. And I’ve got to think about prepping for the coming quarter, but it’s only one new class, and the lit survey will just require some tweaking here and there. Phase I of the P90X starts (again) today. Marathon training starts officially on Thursday. Article due in five weeks.

I’ve got a lot of stuff packed into this month. I hope I don’t crash and burn. Actually, I’m shooting for beyond survival. I don’t want to simply just make my way through the next month doing what I can. Because I slept last night and because the cobwebs are starting to clear a bit this morning, I do feel hopeful here that I can make it through the next month and not just break even.

For Today at least, I need to:

  • Workout
  • Run
  • Finish the six essays from yesterday
  • Comment on at least 6-8 of the drafts that I’ll be picking up today–got through six. I’m done with those for the day . That means I have to finish them tomorrow, but I think I can.
  • Prep/read for tomorrow’s class
  • Read for one hour toward article –at least (it needs to be more than that, but I have a lot to read for class tomorrow) Crap. This is the only thing that I didn’t get done. I just ran out of time.
And for tomorrow
  • Workout in am–I may move this to this afternoon. I don’t want to because I want to get it out of the way, but I already will be running late if I do. Perhaps I should read the stuff for my article. There’s no way I can grade right now.
  • Run
  • Try to finish the drafts taken up Monday; but shoot for 8 as a minimum. That’s it. That’s all I got done was 25 drafts–18 that needed comments, and 7 revision drafts.
  • Prep for Wednesday’s class
  • Read for article for an hour–at least. It needs to be more, but I’ve got to start chipping away.
And for Wednesday
  • Yoga-Yoga moved to Friday. Today we do Plyo since I punked out yesterday.
  • If not finished with drafts, finish drafts.
  • Prep for Thursday’s class.
  • Finish primary text for article.
  • Nap. Did that yesterday.

R(non)BOC

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Well, I have stuff I should do today. First I need to go to see about my cell phone. For someone with the lowest family plan and everything unlimited, my bill sure is high. Plus, I need to get the address and stuff switched from Fancy Town because I feel quite confident that the taxes are higher there, and I’d like not to have to continue paying those taxes. And I need to cancel the internet card and look into this even lower plan thing they’ve got going now.

I need to pick up my cousin’s kid’s backpack at the store here so I can bring it to them on Sunday when I visit the g’parents.

One of the J’s checks is supposed to be delivered today, and his orders are supposed to post this morning. Keep your fingers crossed that both things happen.

I have not been sleeping well. Better with the working out, but I think the beer or wine in the evenings right now is counteracting that. I seem to instinctively know when the Divine Miss T needs to take her middle of the night pee and I have been waking up moments before I hear her scratching at the pee pad (this is not the same time each night, mind you). Of course, I get up to straighten out the pee pad so she actually hits the pad, but the last few nights this has embarrassed her and she won’t pee on the pad, so I’ve been taking her out. This wouldn’t be a huge deal as I have a back door in my bedroom, but the light is out and even on a stool, I’m not tall enough to reach it to change it, so I have to wait until the J gets here so he can change it. Also my mom told me that Miss T’s inability to hold it for longer than 7 hours could be a hormone imbalance since she’s old because that solved my brother’s neighbor’s dog’s midnight peeing issue. Of course I neither have a vet her nor money, so she’ll have to wait a little bit longer. In any case, I have only been getting 4-6 hours of sleep at a time. That sucks.

We had a wicked crazy storm here yesterday. Like the wind picked up the trashcan and lifted it up. And there was hail! I’ve never actually seen hail as it fell, believe it or not, and it sounded like someone was hitting golf balls at the side of the house. The rain was so hard and so fierce that I couldn’t even see the car out of the window (and it’s about 25yrds away? and it’s bright yellow!). Nuts! It was short lived. the mutts were freaking out.

The storm did not cool anything down, so a storm in 100+ weather = outside sauna.

I overslept this morning because my phone battery died in the middle of the snooze cycle of my alarm, so that kind of threw my day off.

It’s a beautiful day today, but it’s hot as hell already. It’s fine. I’m not actually complaining because I have central air, and I wanted this heat in lieu of an actual winter, so I’ll take it, really, and surprisingly, my a/c does not run all day (though I am curious as to what the electricity bill is going to be), but it’s a more comfortable existence than Fancy Town summer, believe it or not.

My aunt, who was here for a week, is dying for me to come spend some time with her. I seriously think she wants me to spend a week there. I want to, but I don’t want to. I still am detoxing from the family time I’ve had this summer. Yes, I know, this is what I wanted, and I know once school starts, it will be some time before I make it over to her house again, but honestly, too, I don’t want to go for the same reason I won’t drive to Home City right now to visit the J–I’m afraid of making the drive. Granted, it’s only four hours, but still, I’m having some anxiety. And since I’m new to the neighborhood, I don’t want to be away from the house for too long. But I think if I stay for two nights, that should be fine. Plus, I don’t want it to interrupt my workout schedule. I know that sounds selfish, but I’m trying to establish patterns here, and I just don’t want to be traveling around. But I get it. And I’ll go. It also causes me anxiety because she calls every.single.day. Seriously.

I know I should work out now, but if I don’t go out and run my errands now, then I’m going to have to run them tomorrow, and I don’t want to spend my Saturday doing that. Plus, I’ve been working out in the afternoons anyway since I’m being a slouch as it is, so I should eat and get the errands run. Plus, I’d rather get to the cell phone store before the afternoon/afterwork or lunch crowd gets there to complain about their phone issues. Of course I’ve been putting this off all week because I don’t want to do it, but I need to just get it over with. Also, I have to get a couple of more groceries, too, so I may as well just go.

I feel like I might be able to focus now.

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All right, so despite the wicked crazy sinus headache I woke up with this morning and the the fact that my cramps were so bad last night that they woke me out of a dead sleep, I am not stressed out to the hilt this morning. My neck and back don’t hurt. And I don’t feel like this stupid (that’s right, it’s graduated to “stupid”) book chapter is impossible given the time constraints. The big problem this whole summer has been an inability to focus. I can read for about an hour, and then my mind starts to wander about all the things that I’m worried about–the J getting employment, the new job (or when I was waiting to hear from them, thinking I was out of the running, then thinking about it and celebrating getting it and not being able to focus), moving, moving expenses, telling my boss, finishing up administrative duties, packing, traveling, moving expenses. And yesterday, most of it came together after I tried to poof all my negativity. I’m sorta pissed at myself for not thinking ahead and not doing more shopping around for moving options because if we had known (rather if I had done my job) when I ordered the POD how much cheaper the truck would have been, then the J would have just decided then to take off work if he had been employed or was planning on being employed. And I could have just gotten him a one way ticket a long time ago and not have had to borrow more money from the parents. Fortunately there won’t be a next time. Or rather, there better not be.

The J’s new job still means that I only get to see him once a month, but it also means that he’s “on orders” so he gets a housing allowance and all that stuff. He can keep an eye on the house  and maintain it a bit more, especially now since the roommate is gone indefinitely because his unit was called up to do flood relief, which is good for him because it pays him a whole lot more than what he’s making at his current job he hates. But back to the J. It also means that he’s got really good employment through the end of October, and hopefully he’ll be able to start school winter quarter then, and we should be caught up on everything by mid August instead of mid-September and I should be able to start saving again. Whew.

I’m debating on the run today. It’s just so stinking hot already this morning. Hotter now than it was this time yesterday morning, and I’m just sorta crampy and sluggish this morning. I don’t know if I’ll feel better going for the run, or if I’ll feel better jumping into work and getting that done since I slept in a little bit this morning. I need to make a decision now.

Ok. Decision made. I’m going to just jump right into the reading I need to get done since I’m feeling some clarity this morning and feeling like it is possible to get work on the chapter done. I think I’ll only regret not going on the run if I don’t accomplish the reading I need to accomplish today. And I vow to go to bed early tonight and I vow to actually set the alarm in the morning and get up and run before I have to pick Mom up at the airport. So without further ado, I’m going to heat up my coffee and get to reading. Have a nice day everyone!

Contemplating all the things I’m not doing right

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Well, I accomplished a lot yesterday, but none of which was related to the book chapter. And I didn’t run either (as I believe I stated yesterday). I did manage to get two of the four empty classes at Fancy Town U filled, two of the more difficult ones, so that’s a relief. And I feel fine with not doing a formal interview for it because the person is friends with the former writing director who would have hired her, so that’s good enough for me at this point. (And even if I weren’t leaving in a couple of weeks, I still would have hired her). I also finally got an L.O.R. done–it wasn’t due until November, but at least that monkey is off my back.

*Negativity POOF*

I had decided before Sisyphus posted a comment below about beating myself up that I would poof the post. Why? Because I feel better after my run. And because Sisyphus is correct–it’s a negative downward spiral, and the negative vibe in the post is not going to help me get stuff done.

The plan was to go to a coffee house and work. Right now, since I’m not being a Negative Nancy anymore, going to a coffee house right now feels like more effort than it’s worth to be honest. And I’m multi-tasking right now by eating and typing at the same time. It’s better than eating in front of the t.v. because if I do that, it will turn into a three hour t.v. watching marathon. And I don’t want that to happen again.

So the plan for the day is basically still the same, just sans coffee house. Now that I’ve gotten two of the classes filled, I don’t have to check my work email all day waiting to hear back from this person. And my boss already knows that I’ve gotten that business taken care of, so I won’t be hearing from him, or rather I shouldn’t be hearing from him, so I don’t have to worry about that. So while yesterday I was supposed to feel guilt free about working and not checking emails, I obsessively checked my email waiting to hear back from the person I just hired for sure. So I am going to force myself, once I move away from the computer, not to check my work email on my phone until 5 pm. At that point, if anything comes up, I can have a beer and deal with it. And will have the satisfaction of knowing that I worked on my own stuff all day. The only other non book chapter immediate thing causing me anxiety right now is getting a cheap flight for the J booked (I found one, but it involves me asking the parents for more $ and he has to switch a doctor’s appointment at the VA, both of which are anxiety producing scenarios), but as I can’t do anything about it at the moment, I’ll try not to think about it.

So, here’s the new basic plan. Read the theory stuff I need to read all afternoon until 5 pm. Have a nice dinner. Have a beer. Figure out some sort of basic plan–including precisely what needs to be read (rather than “read for 2 hours”)–I need to figure out what exactly I need to make sure I read for this thing (it’s just been vague, “oh, this might help” and that’s part of the problem I think). And then I’d like to work on rereading the primary text for about an hour in bed tonight and go to bed early and not stay up and watch the t.v.

Tomorrow I will run, finish the six tedious annoying things on my to do list, contact some applicants to try to get the other two classes filled, and then repeat tomorrow afternoon this afternoon’s plan. I feel better about the short term now. I can relax, or rather focus on the book chapter that is.

All right. I’m off to attempt to make a stab at being productive and making progress on this chapter.

ETA: Mom and Dad came through and we got the flight, so one less thing to worry about.

Sigh.

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I have been dutifully working on school/admin and moving related stuff since about 7 am this morning. That’s right. For the last three hours I have been dealing with this stuff. I missed my run. I think it’s going to be too hot for that right now, already. It’s about 95 degrees. However, the good news is that I *finally* took care of a bunch of stuff that I had been avoiding out of embarrassment–uh, like the fact that despite the students knew from the beginning, the honor society stuff is *still* not done–but the rest is out of my hands now. The checks go to the dept secretary and she mails all that stuff off, which I did not know. Seriously embarrassing. I hate dealing with money and memberships and stuff like that. I really do. Now at least if my chair has a low opinion of me due to this, I don’t have to face him and his disappointment in the fall. Let me just say though that *finally* taking care of that has immediately reduced my stress and anxiety about it. Now the secret that I suck at being responsibility for membership type things is out, I don’t have to hide anymore and I can be free. So in all honesty right now, I’m okay with not being able to go for a run because the largest part of my immediate stress has been dealt with, so I feel a bit better. (I woke up with a horrid stomach ache this morning, too).

I think the main source of stress, aside from the book chapter at this particular moment, is finding a cheap last minute plane ticket to get the J to Fancy Town to help up move furniture and stuff (and so he can say goodbye to our/his friends), and finding the money to pay for said ticket. This is the suckiest part of moving–all the money involved in having to do so. It’s times like this when I do wish that we had a credit card.

So today, after I shower and walk the dogs, since I’ve gotten most of the immediate stress inducing issues out of the way, I feel like I can really focus on the work that needs to be on the book chapter, so that’s a good thing, right?