Well, my fears about how I was going to handle a week on vacay–the food/exercise “challenges” has been a relatively moot point. I feel bad because I’ve had to avoid certain outings/phone calls making time to see everyone here because most of the people I know in Home City hate to cook and prefer restaurant food to home cooking, so that’s been tough. Plus I spent a bunch of money at the grocery so I’d have food here and not eat out, and thank goodness we have a cooler here because some of that food is coming back. I forgot the husband was going to be gone for four days and that the roommate doesn’t like homecooking unless he’s cooking eggs, beans, or rice or pork–I’ll write a whole other post on how the Roommate and I go back and forth on nutrition. It’s so frustrating sometimes. Anyway, the one thing I’ve consumed a lot more of this week than I have in a while is alcohol. Good lord. Five drinks Wednesday night. Some beer Friday night. Two and a half beers and one glass of wine last night. This is the problem with Home City. Something about Home City makes me want to just indulge in alcohol. Perhaps it’s because when we’re here it’s “vacation” and I associate “vacation” with alcohol and fun. Which is how I get into trouble with maintaining weight loss/health when I’m here.
It’s not so much the alcohol consumption per se, not the calories that does me in. It’s how I feel the next day. I mean, obviously that’s a big “DUH!” but I’m not talking about the hangover issue. As my metabolism has increased, the hangover has decreased, so I mean that’s a good sign as far as my metabolism goes and increase in health and fitness and stuff. And I know, intellectually, that indeed alcohol is a depressant. And I know from all my elementary school drug awareness classes, my science classes, and my undergraduate psychology classes the effects of depressants on the brain and body, etc. Maybe it’s from the working out and eating right that I have more of an awareness of what goes on with my body, but I’ve begun to notice how so very sad I am the day after drinking. And when I’m sad, I don’t want to work out, and that is the biggest issue. But I get really truly depressed the day after. My confidence is shot. My self-esteem plummets because I feel so down. I always thought that was part of the hangover–a general blahness–but maybe because I have more awareness of myself, my body, my mental and physical health that I really notice and am paying attention to what is going on with my body and how I feel.
So today I feel utterly down. I want to crawl into bed, not work out, order a pizza, go to McDonald’s, and not do any work at all. I don’t want to be social. I don’t want to do laundry. In short, I don’t want to do jack shit. But I won’t.
I had a good week last week. The numbers on the tape show it, even though right now I feel significantly less sassy than I did three days ago. And I think part of that is the person I went out with last night–she’s seriously like the epitome of a pixie in human form. Petite, adorably short hair, bright bright eyes–like seriously, that pick up line “where you parents thieves? Because someone stole the stars and put them in yours eyes” totally describes her eyes. And she’s super confident in herself with this quiet shyness. Next to her, I always feel like an oaf! Like I feel like when I stand next to her I look like Marla from A League of Their Own. Seriously. So there’s a lot of that going on, too. I feel very uncomfortable in my skin next to her. And she’s never done anything to make me feel that way. It’s just hard to be me around all that indie cuteness! Anyway, so I’m on shaky ground today as it is. And I think what it does is just highlight how much more work I have to do on myself.
I will say this though–because I recognize what’s going on with my body and my mind, I still force myself to work out. It might take hours for me to muster the strength to do so, but I know I’ll feel worse if I don’t, and I know that the results of this week will show up next week, and I don’t want vacation to sabotage the work that I’ve done, the good feelings that I’ve had. I mean, I lost another almost 3 inches again this week! Quarter inch here, quarter inch there really adds up. My hips and thighs still have a ways to go, but still. Baby steps.
So today I’m just sort of blah. Maybe too it’s because I know break will be over soon–we leave on Tuesday–and I’ve not gotten the work done that I needed to. Naturally, who ever does, and when do I ever. But on the positive side, that work that I wanted to get done has been replaced with relaxation time. I’ve taken a few mid-day naps. I’ve gone to bed a little bit earlier so I can lay in bed and read. I’ve gone shopping. I’ve spent time with friends. I have yet to get my mani/pedi, but I think I’ll be able to do that this afternoon if I get my stuff together soon enough. There’s something to be said for that–the relaxing. I feel like I’ve been working almost non-stop since the last week of January, so the naps have been nice. My body’s telling me to slow down and smell the roses a bit. And I need it I guess. I won’t get another break until Easter break, so I should enjoy this now while I can.