I have a marathon grading session today. I’m caught up on most of my reading, but I have a ton of grading to do. I anticipate lots of grading, a work out, a nap, more grading, some reading, and then perhaps passing out.
I was supposed to get up early this morning and grade, but the anticipation of the amount of grading that I have to do today intimidated me and I kept hitting the snooze. Yes, I know this weekend I was extolling the virtues of productivity, but that was Saturday when I didn’t have to get out of my pjs and could sit on the couch and grade. Today that would have meant grading for 1.5 hours, teaching for two, and then grading during office hours, and well, yeah. Sure, I was supposed to work out before class, too, but damn, I’m exhausted. I’ll work out after class to break up the monotony of the grading. Besides, part of the work out for today involves running sprints, and I don’t want to do that in the dark by myself, so I’ll wait until after class.
And it is entirely possible that I can, since I’m a bit rested, get a large amount of response essays knocked out during my office hour.
I’m on pins and needles right now though because we’re waiting to hear about the job J interviewed for last week. I’m waiting to find out if our panel got accepted for the big end of May conference. I’m waiting to hear back (albeit I only submitted the thing to the department on Friday, but I’m impatient) about a spring course release, and whether we’re going to Home City for a few days so that the J can make some money and make up his guard drills. I haven’t left the state since August! Not that I want to spend my break traveling, but I’m willing to travel it if means making money out of it.
And I really want this course release. Especially if I have to teach summer courses because there’s the possibility that I could be teaching all.fucking.summer, and then I’ll only have August off. Look, I’m not really dogging actually getting extra work, especially since we don’t get paid over the summer, but it’s been an exhausting year, beginning last summer, and I was looking forward to some time off, but I can’t justify not working if we don’t have money.And I had a bunch of stuff I wanted to work on this summer, so it’s just not going to be an ideal summer, that’s all. And it won’t be a restful one either. And I’m already a little miffed about it, even though it hasn’t happened yet, but still, I feel like I’m the one to blame. Our situation here is because of me. I’m the one who took the job. I’m the one who told the J I wanted him here and not working in Home City. I’m the one who didn’t get the finances in order like I should have. He doesn’t blame me, but it’s a lot of weight to be carrying on ones shoulders.
Blerg. Now I’m depressed because I won’t have a summer. I’m hopeful that one day my life will go like it should. And really, should I be complaining a) in this market and b) in this economy? At least I’m employed and have the opportunity for summer employment, and we haven’t done our taxes yet, so that may help, too. But still. I want to be an adult. I want to feel like we have some stability. Maybe this is adulthood with adult problems. Egads. Maybe I don’t want an adult life. Maybe I just want a life.
Now I’m really depressed. I’m going to go relax before it’s time for me to go teach and start that marathon grading session.