Save me Jebus! My cramps are so bad right now that they have penetrated through the back of my gut into my back and up the spinal cord. So not cool. It’s like I have a vice in my uterus working at a slow grinding pace and like someone is knuckling me in the back sporadically. Yay Saturday!
I feel like this week hasn’t even been a week of work but of playing catch up and just merely trying to hang on. Now that I’m caught up, I feel utterly and completely behind again. The goal for today is to get all of the stuff for the theory class read and done for this week done today. Come hell or high water, that is the plan. Tomorrow morning I’d like to work out and read before we hit the g’parents’ house so that way I can spend my office hours finishing the one set of revisions I have and then using that time to grade the other sets as they come in, so I can be done with them all by Friday.
I’ve already got the bills set up (all but three that I have to have actual money in the account to pay on Tuesday since I do those through the websites). So that’s one less thing to worry about this week. I really fucked up this month–worse than I have in years from my carelessness, which really sucked. But anyway, at least it was right before payday and we had food and not like three weeks ago and we got stuck.
Even though I’ve been playing catch up all week (or perhaps doing things timely–I feel behind if I’m not ahead), I’ve been really productive during my office hours this week. Even with meeting with students. I think this is why. After my meltdown Monday night, I decided that I was quickly slipping. I just couldn’t take feeling bad about myself all.the.time. Especially when I’ve actually been actively working to try to take care of myself, and I was undoing all my hard work from the beginning of the month, I went back on the meds, temporarily I hope, just to get me over the hump. And what I’ve noticed is that I was able to handle things in stride a little bit better this week, even with my hormones running amuck, which means that I’ve been able to sleep better this week (also helping me be able to take things in stride) because I’m not up worrying. It also means that I’m not wasting energy I need to get my work done on the physical act of being depressed. Being depressed is physically draining. And this week, I was able to focus all that extra energy into office hours productivity! Yay!
I’m still struggling to keep in mind that my physical fitness is a process here, and trying not to focus too much on the weight aspect of it (although I do need to lose the weight, not just be healthy–it really needs to be the entire package), so I’m trying to get a hold on that and not beat myself up. I’ve got to decide, too, for next year, if I want to keep teaching the early classes, or if I want to switch to the afternoons. If it’s going to be better for me to get my workout, prep, and work done in the mornings rather than trying to do it in the afternoon. I have a little bit later class next quarter for the MWF, so I might start trying to get all the working out done then and see how that works out. I’m like a broken record, eh? I don’t have any new classes, so that’s good, too. We’ll see.
I guess on that note, since the cramp medicine has kicked in, I’m going to go try to read before the husband decides to roll himself out of bed.
So here’s the modest to do list:
- Theory class reading for the week and prep
- work out
Happy Weekend everyone!