I feel like I’m stuck in a rut.
This was a terrible week. Not because anything major happened, but it just sucked. Perhaps it had a lot to do with not being able to sleep, which let to not being able to work out, which led to my not feeling well, compounding some latent depression and anxiety that I’ve been feeling a lot lately. In addition, some mid-grade stress is I believe fully responsible for the knot that will not go away under my shoulder blade.
I have spent more time than usual crying this week on a non PMS week–like nearly every night. I have found that I’m shifting the focus of my stress and tears toward my weight loss and health efforts. And I recognize that this is a way to avoid what might actually be bothering me because aside from money woes (which it looks like the J may be getting unemployment as he pursues a job and waits to get into school–I’m trying to be hopeful about that, but when I allow my mind to consider how much my burden will be lightened, I’m afraid the universe will smack down my arrogance, just like what happened in the beginning of the school year and the end of last semester and this summer…). But the problem is, I don’t know what else is bothering me. I think part of it is my job–after being in la la land about how wonderful my life is here, I’m now neck deep in stuff that I’ve always wanted to teach, but have NEVER taught, and I feel like I’m on very shaky ground here. I’m the most behind on grading that I’ve been in seriously like a year (last quarter I was really good about keeping up with stuff, but this quarter, I can’t seem to get my shit together at all with the grading, and I know I’d feel better if it were done, and that is the plan for this weekend). I just can’t seem to get my head in the game right now, and I’m sure that’s part of the stress, too. Every day feels like a chore. Last quarter I did not feel that way (probably because I still had 10, 9, 8. 7 months to save up for summer–now that it slip sliding away…)
And I really miss my three day weekends man. I didn’t realize how much I actually did on Fridays the last two years. And while I love my g’parents, going over to their house every weekend is starting to wear me out, too. Maybe that’s how I got through last quarter. I took the month of October off from my visits to them. Terrible, I know, but that really is lost time in the middle of the quarter. And when I visit, I shouldn’t be thinking of all the other things I could be/should be doing. And that’s not fair to them. So we’re going over today instead of tomorrow so I can feel like I’ve got two days off for the holiday rather than just one.
I’ve lost my train of thought now because the dog is whining to go out. Fair enough. I guess I’ve got to figure out what needs to be done today and this weekend and, try to get some rest and try to get caught up.