It’s only Tuesday, and I’m verily exhausted. Like hardcore exhausted. I’m supposed to be using my office hours right now to grade some stuff that I’ve had for almost a week. I can’t bring myself to do it. It’s one of those moments where it will take extraordinarily long to get through like 2 because I’m so tired that while yes, I’ll be two closer to being done, the energy expenditure will be too great and I’ll get less done later. Or at least that’s the narrative I’m telling myself at this moment. It’s not so much that I have to be in the mood to grade (because whoever is really in the mood to grade), but I am not in the mood to grade at this moment. I’m exhausted.
I have not been sleeping well which surprises me given how tired I am. While I may be near comatose during the late afternoon, after dinner I perk up and am wired. I catch this weird second wind. And when I try to wind down, it doesn’t work. I cannot seem to get the bedroom at a comfortable temperature for all involved. Nor will the dog leave me alone at night. The entire break, he slept on the floor and I was getting like 10 hours of good sleep a night without him bothering me. Now that break is over, he won’t let me get a good night’s sleep. The J had to take him out into the den last night and sleep on the couch so I could fall asleep, which wasn’t until midnight. I feel like I’m barely functioning. I almost put the frozen fruit in the pantry this morning rather than back in the freezer.
Also, I’m not sure I’m digging on this two week break right in the middle of a new quarter. The students seem like they feel they’ve already done the work they needed to before break and are just trying to wing it until finals at the end of February. It’s too damn early to be pulling teeth already. Oh well, I guess they’ll “get it” when it’s time for the midterm. Of course, it’s not completely their fault–if I’m being honest, I have to admit that I’m having trouble coming back midstream, too, but it just seems way super more exhausting to have to pull teeth than to teach. These 10 office hours a week are killing me right now, too. And I thought this would be a good schedule that I have this quarter, but it really sucks.
Perhaps I’m so super negative this morning because I’m just freaking exhausted. I think I might go home and take a nap before I do anything else today. And I’ve got to make some attempt at this grading at some point. But I need a nap first. And then my workout, and then grading. I really do not want to spend the weekend grading this weekend, so I’ve got to rock and roll and get the grading finished by Friday’s noon class.
The lack of sleep is affecting my teaching as well. Which makes me feel like my teaching is bad. It’s hard to focus and stay organized, and I feel like the students are just sorta like WTF is going on here?
And this is why I hate being tired: it makes me do stupid shit like googling my nemeses and now hoping that I landed on their blogs in a convoluted enough was that site meter doesn’t show where I am to get there. Ugh. I’m pissed at myself. I hate being tired. Why do I do the things that I do?? Gross.
I’m cutting out of my office hours early now, and I’m going to go take a nap.