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I just feel so pathetic lately which is ridiculous, but it totally stems from my drunk fest last week. I believe that today I am probably recovered from said fest. And when I can’t work out, I can barely function. I’m not actually sad or in a bad mood or anything today at all actually. I’m sort of down, but not really.

*poof* because I feel like a giant baby tool high school girl for being so upset about this. I still am, but my embarrassment is waning.

And you know, our one operational car is acting up.

Plus on top of this all week we’ve been waiting to hear back from our insurance company as to whether our insurance, as the excess, is going to cover his parents’ car that he totalled. We’ve been playing phone tag with the claims adjuster, and kept getting a “we’re researching the issue” answer, and having worked in insurance, I know that means. But yesterday they called with an affirmative. Our insurance in the excess covers the car, so if it’s totalled, the J’s parents will get some money out of it. It’s not going to be a lot, but it’s better than our having to come up with a chunk to get them to help them replace it.

Here’s the root cause of this I think. I’ve been recovering from a week long hangover, which I already find to be a huge source of embarrassment, personally. Like seriously. And it’s completely jacked my shit up for a whole entire week now. In every aspect of my life. I think I’ve been avoiding the people from that night because I’m sooooo embarrassed about how drunk I got. I have not worked out in over a week either, and that’s the big thing. You know, I routinely blog here about how important exercise is for me, but clearly I never, for as long as I’ve been blogging, made it a priority. I always have some excuse, which is my own fault and a giant part of my problem. I have just felt like crap in all aspects of my life all week. I haven’t been sleeping well because I haven’t worked out. I’ve been eating like crap because I haven’t been feeling well. Seriously. I bought cinnamon rolls on Wednesday. Um, I think the last time I ate a cinnamon roll was in 2001. It’s bizarre to me that I would do that. It’s been all comfort food all the time this week. And because of last week’s total drunk fest, I am a week behind on the article I have to have written by Thanksgiving. This morning I slept in. Usually I’m in the shower by now, but since I’m only hanging out in my office today–I still have to be there at the same time as I normally would be on a Friday–I’m just sort of taking my time since I’m not teaching today, I don’t have to be on or actually look really nice, just nice will do. I’m just going to be in my office for about an hour and a half grading all morning with the hopes of knocking 3/4 of it out by then. If I get close I might just stay and finish. We’ll see how much I can take. But seriously, when I go for extended periods of time without exercising, my life falls apart. Why can’t I just figure this the fuck out?

All right, here’s the takeaway though, the silver lining, the positive I’m trying to glean from all of this so that I won’t be too down on myself. Maybe I needed to get all of that out of my system. Maybe after the summer I’ve had, the stress of moving and starting a new job, the thought that the J could have been killed on his way down to see me, the money issues, unemployment, the weight loss/exercise/impending marathon training struggle, body image issues, everything–maybe that had been building up for a really really long time, and I just needed to get it out of my system, to like literally drown it out and then purge it all. And then maybe the week long hangover or the hip injury plus catching some sort of bug and lack of sleep or something was a signal that I just needed to slow down and recover not from the hangover, but from life leading up to this point. I had that week during midterm where I just sort of vegged, but I still got up early and tried to work out. I still ran in the afternoons. I still prepped and graded during the day. But since I read on Sunday for the whole week, I truly had the week to not do anything and was able to keep the grading confined to my office hours for all but 1.5 hours. So maybe I did need to freak out, let it all out, and then recover slowly from the madness. I feel better this morning than I have in over a week, even though I didn’t get that much sleep. I’m looking forward to a run this afternoon after work. I feel less lame this morning. Slightly less embarrassed than I’ve felt all week. I’m looking forward to the start of the marathon training on Thursday. I’m looking forward to getting back to working out. And believe it or not, I’m looking forward to grading this morning. Despite all appearances, I do feel hopeful and not anxious. So wish me luck.

Have a great weekend everyone!

ETA: I’m a big fat liar. I am down. Perhaps after that run this afternoon I will feel better.

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