More Angst.


So I wrote another 1200 words this morning. And pretty much since 9:40, everything has been a bust. I found three articles that I need to read today at some point that I think will help my argument, maybe. And then there’s one that I think might completely dismantle my entire argument.

I’m really not sure how this is all going to come together at all. And I need to find out if the deadline is EST time. I’ve abandoned one line of argument. But now what?

I swore I wasn’t going to do this. Be working on the chapter until the bitter end. I’m afraid it will show and that there’s no way the editor is going to take me seriously ever again. You know, I started working on this in May like a good girl. Apparently what I did then wasn’t enough. And I really fucked up missing a week here and there. I guess to be fair, this has been one the busiest and shittiest summers I have ever had–I don’t even think planning a wedding and moving in the same summer was this time consuming, even with the dog bite. It just seems unfair. But I know part of it is my fault. If I would have worked harder, this wouldn’t have happened. If I did a lot of things differently, this wouldn’t have happened. But now I have to make the best of it I suppose.

I’m starting to panic about the chapter. I really am afraid it’s shit, and it’s not just anxiety either. Like I’m really worried about it. Yesterday I wasn’t, but when I started to write this morning, it turns out that everything I had to say, I said yesterday. And I’ll only have like 8 sources for like a 15 page paper. That seems low to me.

Sigh. I guess I need to prep dinner, and then I need to get to reading.

I also have to finish packing up myself here in Home City because tomorrow we begin the next part of the moving adventure and drive to Big Little Town.

Wish me luck. I hope you all are doing well.


2 responses »

  1. Hey, sister – if you’re feeling too close to it and it would help for somebody to give you some feedback, feel free to send what you’ve got along and I’ll make suggestions…. Otherwise, just keep on going! It will be ok! You will finish! It will turn out ok!

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