Chapter Angst.

Standard

Okay, well, I wasn’t going to blog because I need to be writing, however, I’m stuck. I managed to get about 3000 words out yesterday. I need 5000-6000. About 2000 of them may be useable. Wow, nothing like really waiting until the last minute. Yikes. Crap.

I think the problem might be that I’m trying to force one aspect of the theory. If I had more time, and if this weren’t supposed to be more “introductory” I might try harder to make it work. I know it’s there, but I just can’t bring it together right now. (How the hell am I ever going to write a book?)

 

Here’s the other problem, and it’s the problem that I run into often when I do scholarly things, like when I wrote the diss and when I’d work on seminar papers. I feel like I really suck at research. Even though I write literary criticism, I’m not interested in other critics. I am extremely narcissistic (which I think is odd for someone who has no confidence in her ideas or her writings for that matter) when I write stuff because I’m only interested in how I apply theories to the text. I find myself infinitely more interesting when I’m writing, which is really really bad. So when I find something that works, I run whole hog with it and ignore everything else, and I feel like that is really bad form. Of course it is. I’m the most arrogant person I know with the least amount of confidence. But oddly I think that on some level that I feel like what I have to say is important, and I don’t want other people’s stuff contaminating my thought process when I’m writing. Now, when I’m preparing lectures and class discussion and stuff, that’s a different story. I don’t know why.

So right now I’m feeling a bit screwed. I was hopeful yesterday about this thing, but now, again, not so much. Sheesh.

All right. I guess I’m going to get back to plowing away at this thing.

 

 

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One response »

  1. It’s so funny, because I get lost in research. The chapter I’m writing really suffers because I bring in all these different conversations to show how they really speak to each other’s concerns, but my voice gets lost in the mix. I wish I DIDN’T look at so much research so early on. It really gets in the way.

    I don’t know what this gets you, but there it is.

    Good luck! Keep truckin’! You’re very smart and have interesting things to say, even if you don’t think so!

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