All right, so this morning is one of those “pep talk” mornings. I’m grouchy with myself. Shall I list the ways? If you don’t want to read some gratuitous whining and pitiful self anger, I won’t hold it against you if you just stop reading now.
So the process of New U is a bit weird. I hope my future chair doesn’t think me a moron now and isn’t questioning his decision to hire me. The contract that I got was a draft. I knew this. I knew I was getting a draft. I thought that was kind of like a retainer, a letter of intent if you will. So I thought draft and background check form get sent back first to get to the “official” contact, so I didn’t get the background form. And the chair was like, “oh, you do realize that was a draft right? The background form comes with the real contract.” Yes, I thought draft was part 1 and that background check form was part 1. Sorry for bothering you on vacation because I have trouble following directions or understanding simple things. (Ok, I didn’t say exactly that). It’s a minor thing that I’m sure is fine and not a big deal that I clearly don’t understand drafting processes (I’ve never seen that before), and I’d rather look like a moron and send back a signed draft as a misunderstanding than to fuck up and not send back a signed draft. Of course, you know I want everything to go perfectly all the time and whenever there’s a hitch, you know I’m not inclined at all to either overreact or think that everyone now thinks the worst of me, so I’m sure that in reality, my future boss is not thinking to himself, “shit, we should have hired the other person.”
My plan, my schedule for the week has not gone as planned. We went to Grad City on Monday to see some people. That was an ordeal because of the flooding and the weather. We spent more time driving to and from Grad City on Monday than we actually spent in Grad City. I spent more time focusing on the horizon than the road looking for funnel clouds and tornadoes. Scary stuff.
I did some reading Tuesday. Wednesday, I didn’t feel well. I tried to workout. I took a super long nap instead. I did little reading. I did make a nice dinner though. Yesterday, I felt even worse. Sinus problems. Minor summer cold. General aches, cramps. Apparently, PMS reared it’s ugly head this week, and I was too dumb to figure this out until yesterday. But seriously, Wednesday and yesterday, I felt like I had mono. I tried to make myself useful though and ran some errands that needed to be run if I wasn’t going to read anyway. We spent yesterday eating junk food and watching volume 1, season 1 of Hunter. That’s right. Hunter. I love that show.
Fortunately, after yesterday’s pity and PMS fest, I’m in that annoyed space where I’m ready to get shit done again. Although we’re back at square one. After a week of Operation Extreme Summer Fitness, I had managed to lose 4 pounds. Yay me. Yeah, but then the interview, traveling, PMS, a week of not working out (okay, now we’re hitting two weeks), plus PMS weight, I have gained 7!! pounds these past two weeks! WTF?? So now I’m frustrated and pissed again, and trying to get off the train to Loserville before it actually gets there. (Ok, not that weight gain makes a person a loser. I’m just feeling loser-like for being stupid and for not making progress on the book chapter). Yes, I know some of the bloat will go away in a couple of days, but ARGH! and GRRRRR! All right, well, here’s the silver lining. It seems like whenever I try to do something good for myself, I usually end up starting it right before I start my period. (Sorry Super Fabulous Awesome Colleague–probably TMI for you). Then a week later, it’s all fucked up because I’m PMSing. So at least now, I’ll restart, and then by the time the next cycle comes around, I’ll have gotten four good weeks of a habit started.
Of course this is contingent on my being able to not be a slacker with the workouts while traveling. That’s the other thing. We decided that we had to go back to Fancy Town this weekend so that I could start getting everything taken care of so we could be out of there by the end of July. So I think I’m having some stress and anxiety about telling my boss and the rest of my friends. While I’m looking forward to moving back home, I’m not exactly looking forward to the process of moving. But, I’ve got the cable set up to be canceled on Thursday. I meet with my boss and several friends on Monday. I’ll take care of the apartment stuff on Monday as well. And start packing up my office on Monday. And when we bring my packed office to storage, we’ll give our notice to them, too. And cancel the gym membership. At least, even though I’m dreading the drive back (I always dread the drive back because it’s longer on the way back than coming down to Home City), packing for tomorrow’s trip will be minimal. And I think the only thing we’ll be taking with us from the apartment is the PS3, rock band, and some books. Everything else will be boxed up and will be staying until the end of July. And then I’m hoping I can bribe my friends with pizza and beer to help us move. A moving/going away party.
And maybe I’m a little sad, too, that even though I don’t like the drive back to Fancy Town, this is the second to last time I’ll ever make that drive. So perhaps part of my anxiety, anger, and stress this week has been over this–it’s starting to seem real now. I think putting it up here on the blog made it seem more real. Making an appointment to talk with my boss makes it real. Making dinner plans with the intention of dropping this bombshell makes it real. I’m afraid my friends will think that we’re leaving because we’re unhappy and unhappy with them. While it’s true that I’m not that happy where I am, I don’t think it’d be fair to say that I’m unhappy either. I’m not sad about leaving my job. I am really sad about leaving my friends.
On an unrelated note, I think when I get to New U, instead of getting a trainer–I don’t need one anymore at this point. I know what I’m doing. I know what to do and how to do it–I’m going to meet with a dietician/nutritionist. I have the basics I think, but that’s the area that needs work right now.
Blogging will be light for the next week or so. We’ve got some traveling and packing to do. Talk to you soon!