Wow, so I just found out that one of the J’s friends (we are “friends” but her BFF is MPants, remember her? the bitch that made a pass at the J at our wedding? And I don’t talk to MPants at all because as there are few people I hate, I hate her; however, I’ve FB friends with the other woman). Anyway, her boyfriend was brutally assaulted where he lives last week (closer to Fancy Town than Home City). He got jumped by three guys with bricks and other stuff–they broke his leg in several places and he’s got permanent damage to his face, but no brain damage (thankfully). and he chased down two them with his broken leg. The other one is still at large, but the ones they got are being charged with attempted murder. Good god man. And it wasn’t even a robbery. They just wanted to beat him to death for no reason. I can’t even imagine. This is about as close as I’ve ever been to anything like that. (I met her boyfriend at our wedding). I did work with a guy here in Home City who was run over by a drunk driver in a hit and run and left to die on the side of the road. Even though I didn’t know him well, that was still pretty brutal. I had a cousin murdered by a serial killer when I was very young. I have a vague memory of her. I remember her brother better. I think I mentioned this a few years ago–they just caught him like 28 years later or something like that. Two other serial killers had confessed to the murder, but there was no evidence to back it up, but 28 years later, DNA put the new guy away. Anyway…
Aside from that terrible news, it’s been a decent morning. I don’t feel like I can call it a “good” morning now. I woke up sort of down, but this cup of coffee is helping with that. I think because of my workout yesterday and thanks to a healthy dinner sans some kind of chocolate before bed, I feel better this morning than a I did yesterday morning, so I should feel pretty good here in a couple of hours after my workout I think. the Roommate came home earlier than I thought he was going to, so I let him know that I was going to need the den for my workout in about an hour so that way I’m not cranky, mean, or bitchy to him when I need the t.v. I sat outside briefly yesterday–it was hot, even in the shade, but I think just 30 minutes out there helped. But with the heat index, it’s supposed to be over 100 again today, so I need to get to my run here pretty soon.
I’ve decided that in the pursuit of fitness and health, there are certain things that I’m willing to give up on an almost permanent basis, and some things that I’m really just not willing to give up at all. what I mean by “almost permanent” is this–for example, I don’t eat fried foods. I just gave them up one day in my 20s because fried foods make me feel like crap within hours of eating them. The pleasure of good friend chicken rarely outweighs the disgustingness of the way my body feels afterward. However, on occasion I will eat fried calamari. If we go to outback (like once every 18 months I just want to eat there), I’ll eat the bloomin’ onion. When I go to NOLA, I will eat a fried shrimp and oyster poboy and/or fried alligator (yes, I eat alligator. I love alligator. I’m really quite ashamed of it actually, but I can’t help it. Blackened alligator is good, too. I don’t just eat it fried). But it’s not something that’s part of my regular diet anymore. So, I am giving up almost permanently chocolate, ice cream, and junk food–cookies, potato chips (not tortilla chips, but I don’t really buy chips and salsa a lot anyway, but chips and salsa/guac is the exception). Now, my power bars are chocolate, and I like nutella with peanut butter to eat with my granny smith apples. But I have a really bad habit of eating either ice cream or some kind of chocolate candy after dinner. This usually kept me from bingeing on chocolate–a square or two of dark chocolate after dinner, but what I’ve noticed in the last couple of weeks is that I wake up feeling hungover (my mom has this same problem) from the chocolate. Same with potato chips lately, too. So I’ve been substituting watermelon after dinner–high in sugar, but no fat and few calories. And that seems to quench my sweet tooth and surprisingly fixes the chocolate craving. If it affects my health negatively (as in makes me feel like crap in the morning and then I don’t work out because I feel like crap), then I’m looking at that as affecting my ability to do my scholarship (I told you that I think I have to think of my job as a “sport” right now). After my workout, I was actually able to retain some of what I read yesterday. I was able to think about what I was reading yesterday. I zoned out a lot less, too.
Of course, I know my limits here. What I’m not willing to give up, for the sake of health or weightloss for that matter–beer and coffee. I can’t totally deprive myself. I enjoy my coffee in the morning. I don’t drink coffee to wake me (ok, sometimes I *need* the caffeine, but mostly I don’t). I like the taste of coffee. I savor it most mornings. On the mornings I *need* the caffeine, I don’t savor it, I’ll be honest, but most of the time I do. And beer. I really really like beer. I don’t drink shit beer just to drink beer. No no. I buy expensive beer. Like my coffee. I generally buy expensive coffee (I’m not talking *$ either). I really really enjoy beer. And about two is my max. Three, eh, I will feel it the next morning, so I have to watch the indulging. I would actually rather have a really good beer over a chocolate bar. Hopefully that doesn’t make me a burgeoning alcoholic.
So we’ll see how this goes. I think I just need to keep reminding myself of how certain things make me feel. I know it’s probably pretty boring for you guys to read, but really, it’s all I got right now. I have to feel better to get my work done over the summer. And I have to remind myself constantly what makes me feel better so I can be productive. For a while then, this might become more like a daily “Stuart Smalley” blog just until I can really start knocking out some of my goals. Hope you won’t go away. 🙂 I do feel kind of lame with this though.