I hope you all are doing well. I’m very behind on my blog reading my bloggy friends. And for that I do apologize. I hope all is going well in your respective necks of the woods.
I think it’s that time of year for my annual end of spring/beginning of summer freak out/reevaluation/make summer plans. Right now, it’s super hard to focus on my immediate stuff because I’m a bundle of nerves waiting to hear back about something (I have to be vague; I don’t want to gooch it), and I’m completely paralyzed with anxiety which is hindering my ability to work. And I just don’t know if I should just assume the negative because I feel like that’s likely at this point which might make it easier for me to work. And because I’m so afraid of gooching it, this may eventually go poof.
So I still have that conference paper hanging over my head that I have to give next Thursday morning, and I’m still reading for it because while it seems like everyone else I know has at least had the last week or so off, I’ve still been doing some work post-finals and graduation, and traveling really took away a lot of the time I needed (but like I’m going to miss my sister’s graduation for a conference paper). The J left Monday, so that was a bust. I hope that once he’s been back for like a year that my anxiety about him leaving will go away. Plus he took the mutts which should have been a good thing–I have no distractions, yet my biggest distraction? My brain and anxiety! Suck! Plus last week I got wasted at the faculty retreat (along with 98% of the faculty there), and I think in that time, when my system was compromised by the alcohol and the subsequent two day hangover (which I think all of that was not simply a result of the amount of alcohol I put away last Wednesday in particular, but after five days of partying for my sister’s graduation. Ooops, I forgot I wasn’t 21 anymore), I picked up a bug or something because I did not drink enough for a five day hangover (is that even possible?), but for a good five days, everything I ate, except rice and broccoli, made me sick. I haven’t even been able to really smell a beer, which is unfortunate because I have all of this beer in my fridge (ATL and NOLA brews, too!) and the thought makes me want to hurl. Sigh. I’m 90% sure it has to do with my stress level right about now. Unfortunately I’m past the stress point that is the motivating stress. I’m in the “I want to shut down and do nothing” point of stress which is terrible given I have 48 hours before heading back to Home City.
I guess today I have little choice as to what to put on my agenda. It’s read like a mofo, clean, pack, meet friend for lunch, workout, and write for at least 30 minutes toward this conference paper (I’m thinking two 15 minute sessions here because 30 minutes freaks me out and I’m not sure I have 30 sustained minutes of thought here yet). Tomorrow I have to workout, head to campus and finish up all the work that I’ve yet to finished (one thing puts me really really behind, but whatever; it’s important but relatively minor). So I’m looking at like maybe I don’t know, about 4-5 hours on campus tomorrow? Blerg. I should consider going to Target today at some point, too. And then I have another thing to do but I can do that via email and it can wait until this weekend.
So much to do!! Rats. But here’s what I’m perversely hoping–that the summer will be so busy with all the things I will accomplish that when the semester starts in the fall, it will feel like I’m on vacation.
On that note, I think I’m going to pack and clean for just a bit (or at least get the stuff that I need to pack in a pile of sorts) and then read for a bit more before lunch.