Happy New Year Everyone! I’m in the "country" and even with my network card, the internet is sketchy here, although Gramps has internet on his computer, I don’t want to hog it, so I haven’t been able to catch up on everyone’s lives this past week. It takes about 20 minutes just to get my email up. So I hope you are all doing well and relaxing until the semester begins all over again or before you head out to MLA and AHA and the like.
I was thinking about my New Year’s goals, and while I took the other blog down, I think I still have access for myself what I wrote last New Year, although since the internet is what it is here, I don’t want to spend an hour trying to bring it back up. I believe I stole Dr. Crazy’s theme of "F" words and the focus was finances, fitness, family, and fun. And you know I like to set "goals" rather than have "resolutions" because I don’t like to "resolve" to do anything.
I believe I did improve on each of the above categories this past year. I still haven’t met my weight goal, but I did finally run a marathon; I’m lifting more and heavier than I ever did in HS. While I’m not as fast in my times in running as I was in HS, I think aerobically, I’m more fit, and I was pretty damn fit in HS. I think what I want to set for my goals this year is to continue to improve upon last year’s goals.
I’ll start with fitness. I still have those pesky 18 pounds left to go. At least now we’re under 20. WW has helped, and I did awesome the first two and three quarter weeks. Look, when I set my mind to it, I can face my trigger foods like cheese and chocolate and wine. What sabotages me is BBQ shredded pork. I was fine until Christmas Day dinner. There were about three days that I just didn’t log the food at all. And those were the three days that I didn’t exercise either (except I did run Christmas Day). However, while I’m not sure if I lost weight in week three, I know for sure that I did not gain, so that’s something. At least I’m not moving backward. And it’s hard with the sketchy internet to keep track here. I have to do it in the a.m. when the internet signal seems to be best. Anyway, the revised goal is to be within 7 pounds of my goal weight by the marathon which is adjusted for a smaller weight loss goal per week and based on the fact that I’m further behind my plan as expected. However, the positive thing is that I haven’t let this discourage me. It doesn’t matter that I’m not where I thought I’d be–what matters is that I’m continually making progress toward it, and that I’ve not been crazy and depriving myself either. One thing I’ve learned in the past couple of weeks is that it is definitely about choices and about not feeling guilty about what I’m doing, and for me, I need to have small daily indulgences (like a glass of wine or a piece of chocolate) which keeps me from binging. It’s still a learning process here with the nutrition aspect since I can’t just eat whatever I want anymore without consequence, but it’s definitely helping.
Also, if we start to think about having babies this year, I don’t want to start at this weight. I got a lecture on that from a crazy person, but I don’t understand how if I feel healthy and fit and am, how that’s a bad thing for the kid. Also, if I’m trying to lose weight, then I don’t want that weight I need to lose now be tacked on to baby weight later. Why would I want to try to lose 80 pounds after having a kid than 60? Now, if it happened that I found out next week that I’m pregnant (which I won’t but hypothetically), would I be like "oh no! this sabotages my weight loss! Stupid kid, this isn’t fair!" Maybe yes, for a second, but that doesn’t mean that I can’t be fit and healthy where I am now. But if we’re going to starting thinking about this/working on this in the next 6-7 months, then why shouldn’t I think about entering into that in my best health? I don’t know. Maybe I’m a moron with some fucked up goals for pregnancy.
Another thing that I’ve learned in the last three weeks, and perhaps I’ve learned this before and I’ve forgotten, and while this might seem bad because I forget to take my meds, but I’ve figured out the key, for me, to managing my depression, too. On the one hand it’s good, on the other, it sucks because it means discipline, and clearly that’s something I suck at. But, I have found that if I work out five times a week–that seems to be the magic number–and that’s not running five times a week, it’s simply doing some kind of workout five times a week, then I am not sad. 3-4 times a week doesn’t work. Five seems to be the magic number. I’ve also got to work out for at least 45 minutes, too. Less than that doesn’t seem to do anything for my mood. I had noticed last week that I hadn’t taken my meds for two weeks, and I felt great, and still do (though I was feeling really down on the third day of not working out). I think the reason I forget to take them is because I’m not focused on how bad I feel. However, The J is monitoring me, so I have a safety net there, and I did travel with them. But it’s important for me to try to be med free and healthy because I want babies and I don’t want to be on meds with babies but I want to be healthy for my babies–physically and mentally, and if being med free means that I have to drag my lazy ass out of bed to do some kind of workout five days a week, then that’s what I do. I have also noticed too that when I do get at least five workouts in, I am significantly less likely to crave sweets, especially at night. The past three weeks on WW, too, have also made abundantly clear the difference in how I feel when I eat closer to a healthy diet than when I eat crap. I feel hungover, which doesn’t seem fair if you’ve not had anything to drink. I’m sure this is all stuff that I’ve said before, but it takes me a while to figure things out.
But again, I think the most important thing here is that the WW has alleviated the guilt of the indulgences and has made me more aware of how I feel when I put certain things into my body, what bad foods make me want more bad foods, and how important exercise is to me, my health, and my attitude. And fortunately I started all of this during the crunch time and stress of the end of the semester rather than when things are all calm and rosy, which I think helps me too.
I had no intention of writing this much about fitness.
So, my continued fitness goals:
- For real and true lose the weight.
- Run the marathon under 5 hours.
- Work out five days a week–keep working on the weight lifting.
- Not focus so much on how I look, but how I feel.
- Keep working on the nutrition aspect of all of this, too.
- Cut back on the eating out to 1-2 times per week.
- Do a better job at grocery shopping and menu planning.