I feel like I’ve been away from here for forever! I hope everyone out there is doing well. I’m so behind again in everything. I caught up with all of you my bloggy friends, and now I’m behind again.
Despite having a nasty sinus infection that resulted in the canceling of a class–I couldn’t function. I gave one class a bunch of wrong information that I then had to correct this past Monday when we were doing a test review, for shame–and I spent about three days on the couch moping and blowing my nose and trying to read, which was unsuccessful because I didn’t retain anything that I needed to in order to be able to teach. I missed my final long run because my chest felt like someone was sitting on it. I know, I know, same ol’, same ol’.
So the marathon is this weekend. We leave in a few hours to go to the airport. I’m nervous as hell. I’m feeling slightly better knowing that my friend’s goal is not that much faster than mine, and I thought seriously that she was planning on a 4:00 or sub 4:00 marathon. I think I have a much better shot at finishing under 5 hours if I can maintain the pace she wants to set. I just suck at self pacing, which has been my problem on my last few long runs and why I fall apart around mile 10. If I’m shooting for a 4:45-5:00 marathon, I don’t need to speed it up to a 3:25 pace three miles in. It’s just stupid.
I’m also having some vanity issues related to this marathon. My friend is super fit, rather she has a super fit looking body and great legs because she actually trains like she should. I’m feeling a little fat and homely. I spent over $100 at Sephora yesterday to help with this. It didn’t really, but I have some cool new makeup I guess. Look, I know it’s about the marathon, about running it, about completing it, about accomplishing a goal, not about how I look, but you know me. I’m just feeling intimidated and lacking lots of confidence.
Other than freaking out about the marathon on Sunday, things are going well over here. I found out this morning we get raises. Yay!! That’s a bit of good news there. My classes are going well. I was worried that the froshes were going to shut down after they got their drafts back, but they didn’t. They have trouble staying on task, so now when they do group work, they have to answer the questions and write the answers down and turn those answers in, and yesterday, it really helped with discussion because they actually did the work since they were being held accountable for it. While it seems very "13th grade," they apparently need it and it helps. My other classes seem to be going well as well. My ProblemChild is annoying me, but ze seems to be making more than a half ass effort. Ze does seem to be trying right now. Ze even showed up for the library research workshop yesterday, so I’m very proud of hir for doing that. Another student has worried hirself into such a tizzy over how ze did on the test that now ze can’t sleep and doesn’t want to wait until Wednesday for hir grade, but ze will have to. We start the Great Sock novel on Wednesday, so that’s super cool. While I can’t really say that the students are necessarily "enjoying" the stuff we’re going, I have to give them lots of credit for hanging in there and going along with the ride.
The difference between this year and last year is like night and day, to be so cliche’. I feel like I’m at a completely different college. I know I still have a lot to prove as a professor and a scholar to myself and the college as a whole, I don’t feel that pressure in the classroom this year. I don’t feel like I have to prove that I’m a legitimate professor to the students. I don’t know if I have more confidence or if I just don’t feel so terrified because I’m the new one this year or if I’m just more comfortable or settling into myself, but it’s dramatically different. And I know having The J home plays no small part here either. Knowing that he’s home, that I can see him, talk to him, whatever, whenever I want, knowing that the dogs are taken care of, just knowing that he’s home makes all the difference right now. I have less to do, too. He cleans the kitchen and walks the mutts, so when I come home, I can either start on dinner or do work or sit down for a minute. I don’t have to immediately walk the pups and start on housework. He does the laundry, so that’s one less thing on a Sunday for me to do (which is only a big deal because we don’t have a w/d in the apartment; at home, no big deal). While sometimes it is hard for me to work because I want to hang out with him still all the time, I am actually a little bit more productive because I don’t have the stress of him being away and doing everything on my own, so I don’t panic and shut down and paralyze myself from work. I have a talk in about two weeks, which is nowhere near close to being done, but the amazing thing is that I’ve started on it! I feel like I’m doing research again!! It feels so good!! Plus, I have to say, even though I did totally underestimate the work of two new lit preps, it helps tremendously having just the three classes now.
I got my schedule for next semester, and I teach two days a week! Huzzah! Granted, those two days are long days, but still, even though our meetings are on TR, I’d rather have to just drive in for a meeting than to teach, so we’ll see how that goes. I think I like this idea though. That’s a four day weekend!
Well, I’ll stop with the saccharine post here. Wish me luck on the marathon! I hope you all are well!! And I promise, as I start to put this talk together, to get back to regular blogging soon. Have a great weekend everyone!