So, what do you think? I really like the orange and the skulls, two of my favorite things I think. Perhaps a little too prematurely Halloween-ish, but I like it. And the profile pic is Yzma from this movie. I think she fits, well, maybe not her character, but the pic is just so oddly delightful.
While I sort of already miss my previous identity–wow, it was about three years, was it 2007 that I started that? Wow. Anyway, I do miss her, but when I started my new job (I need a new pseudonym for it–I’ll keep working on it) last year, I had felt that I needed something new, but I don’t think I was ready to let her go–I already had enough change last September; I think I needed some consistency in my life. And I am infinitely appreciative of those of you who had supported her/me all those years. While my decision to take down the blog was as much due to personal issues as professional (email me if you want the story–I won’t put it on here, not because of anything bad or I’m embarrassed or anything; it’s just not appropriate for the blog, but I don’t mind sharing, you know that!) seemed rather abrupt, I have felt that over the past year my attempts to try to steer her to a different place just didn’t work.
And I had started another blog last year, too, that I didn’t advertise because I wasn’t sure about the identity. I just don’t think I was ready for it yet either.
I honestly don’t think too much will change though. I will just try to be more careful about how I address my professional issues. And Dr. Crazy was spot on about my issue with that particular sticky unpleasantness in the form of a coed since it has become a university matter. And without going into detail, it’s even more important now I think to have had that stuff taken down off the other blog because this issue may quickly become a criminal matter. Honestly though, I’m hoping for the shit to hit the fan sooner rather than later because I don’t want the stress, and I’m quickly becoming exhausted by the matter. Hopefully I haven’t said too much already. So, if anything does happen, I will let you know simply by saying "the shit has now hit the fan."
I also feel that the other blog was getting too depressing. I will probably continue to blog about my blueness and depression because your support is invaluable to me, but I’m hoping with the return of The J (I think he needs a new pseudonym, too, yes, since he’s returning from war?), the clouds will lift a little bit more. I still have yet to call the doctor (the week got away from me again! and it’s because I’m feeling better which is bad in terms of my calling the doctor). And I’m hoping having him not in a war zone and help around the house, that I might be able to manage my stress a little bit better.
One thing I’m hopeful about too, and while I know simply dropping one blog identity and starting another is not a magic solution for all my problems, but as you know, I have long felt that I was in a rut, too, with everything. My life, my weight, my teaching and lack of research, my depression, my lack of motivation–basically everything. So I’m hoping that even just a change like this might help get me out of at least part of the rut. And perhaps just whole-scale deletion of the former identity is what I need, too, to shed the baggage of the cycle.
Given the unpleasantness of the last couple of days (both personally and professionally), even just being in this space and knowing that the other space is being phased out, I feel like a great burden has been lifted off my shoulders.
And while I feel I’m starting over, I don’t feel like I’m starting from scratch because I have all of you. Thank you for making the journey here with me. I am forever grateful.